I never meant to

I sit and recollect my thoughts,
And there you are
Another one of my memories
Good or bad, they stick to me
I try to remember all the laughs,
When laughter would leak from our breath,
When there was no purpose to do so
All the things, so memorable to me
When I gather it all,
A honest smile spreads across
Then a tear grasps the skin of my cheek,
and falls mimicking my heart,
as a heavy, hurt, lifeless weight
I think of other times,
The ones I wish I could fix,
And pain strikes me as I realize...
I can't do anything,
Only wish and hope for your forgiveness
Will you ever, please, forgive me?
It's a question I am afraid to ask,
Because I feel that I would just
Ruin every single thing...
Every little detail... in ruins
So might as well leave it be,
even though it burns and pains me
I just wish I could be there,
There for you at all costs,
For my body was limp and useless,
While my mind wafted away
I had the feeling of the hurt
I clench it tightly and wish,
That I could relive it
Make it better...
Because it was my fault,
I could have but never did,
Because I was too low to the ground,
Where I was kicked, and couldn't stand,
Still I regret my mistakes,
...Life is too long to only feel regret...
Just I still wish that I did,
Just trust me ,honestly,
Put your faith and trust in me,
Feel the reason why I say this,
and just think about it as how I feel,
I never meant to