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:iconsketchpaper: More from SketchPaper

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Submitted on
September 17, 2012
File Size
1.6 KB


12 (who?)
Her world is teeming with black and white shades
Colors seeming to be absent
  All emotion is void and locked away
The chains are callous with a texture that is metallic and iced
She has a vacant feeling in a hole within her chilled, dainty chest
Where this hollow hole is, should that be a heart?

The only indication of any emotion that hasn't been stowed away, is her tears,
She cries alone

She begs for her life to end
Or at least for a new beginning
Her tears run down her subtle face

They fall, dripping from her eyes to imitate minuscule waterfalls,
And they cascade into many streams
And dripping...

  "Save me! This is a nightmare
I am alone
it's dark
And I can't take it anymore!"

She pleas for an ending that may never come
She begs for a savior that may never care

For all that she knows...
She knows nothing

       And so she bleeds and cries
The dripping of both, harmonize into one small symphony

Drip,  Drip,  Drip
The blade falls out of place in the obscure hand

I feel that this leads into being one of my story-telling pieces. I think it is kind of cool how I made it. Let me know what you think and do not be afraid to comment. :D
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Shasta-Rose Oct 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful poem; I like the title and the beginning where you mention that things are just black and white. I also like the line on the first stanza that says, "Where this hollow hole is, should that be a heart?" The previous line made it very, very obvious it was a heart... you could almost be more subtle, do you desire, and the idea would still come across quite well.

You do a good job making the dripping really become a main part of the poem, really nice and well-incorporated. I like how bleeding and crying is both dripping. Your two-word stanza also was great.

My favorite lines of the poem:

"She pleas for an ending that may never come
She begs for a savior that may never care"

I can't say I agree with all your formatting choices... I don't really see why all the bolds and italics are there.

Great work, and thank you for sharing.
SketchPaper Oct 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for your point of view. Personally those lines were my favorite too, haha. To answer about the formatting choices, some of the bold was to emphasize the feeling of the words. With the italics, I was trying to see if I could emphasize the feelings of the girl. I love that you did this and thank you.
Shasta-Rose Oct 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I always love reading what people do, and poems of that topic especially fascinate me. I love writing dark things, and you did a great job conveying that. XD
BelaRoseWolf Sep 30, 2012  Student Writer
This is a really interesting poem! :D I liked how you used different text styles, and the theme really pushed the piece along. Great work!
SketchPaper Oct 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. I am happy that you liked it. I would've responded earlier but I don't have a lot of access to the internet sometimes.
BelaRoseWolf Oct 6, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome! And it's perfectly fine! ^^
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