Her world is teeming with black and white shades Colors seeming to be absent All emotion is void and locked away The chains are callous with a texture that is metallic and iced She has a vacant feeling in a hole within her chilled, dainty chest Where this hollow hole is, should that be a heart?
The only indication of any emotion that hasn't been stowed away, is her tears, She cries alone
She begs for her life to end Or at least for a new beginning Her tears run down her subtle face
They fall, dripping from her eyes to imitate minuscule waterfalls, And they cascade into many streams Dripping Dripping And dripping...
"Save me! This is a nightmare I am alone it's dark And I can't take it anymore!"
She pleas for an ending that may never come She begs for a savior that may never care
For all that she knows... She knows nothing
And so she bleeds and cries The dripping of both, harmonize into one small symphony
Pit-pat Pitter-patter Drip, Drip, Drip The blade falls out of place in the obscure hand
Beautiful poem; I like the title and the beginning where you mention that things are just black and white. I also like the line on the first stanza that says, "Where this hollow hole is, should that be a heart?" The previous line made it very, very obvious it was a heart... you could almost be more subtle, do you desire, and the idea would still come across quite well.
You do a good job making the dripping really become a main part of the poem, really nice and well-incorporated. I like how bleeding and crying is both dripping. Your two-word stanza also was great.
My favorite lines of the poem:
"She pleas for an ending that may never come She begs for a savior that may never care"
I can't say I agree with all your formatting choices... I don't really see why all the bolds and italics are there.
Thank you for your point of view. Personally those lines were my favorite too, haha. To answer about the formatting choices, some of the bold was to emphasize the feeling of the words. With the italics, I was trying to see if I could emphasize the feelings of the girl. I love that you did this and thank you.
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More